so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
