Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
