Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
