Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
