when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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