I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
