when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
