Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
