Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
