is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
