I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
