We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize