Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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