You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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