That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
