Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
