Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
