How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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