so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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