oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
