I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
