Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
