Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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