i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
