just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
