i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize