Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
