3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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