You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
