She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
