I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
