i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
