I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need moral support for this bender
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
