Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
