i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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