I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize