Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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