you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
