I showed him my bush... on skype.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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