Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
