I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
