My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
