only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
