You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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