I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
