So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
