I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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