Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
