omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
