After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
