why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
