The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
