textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
