I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
