I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
