Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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