I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
