i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
