We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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