You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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