I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
