i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
