Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
