I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
