I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
