you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
