The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
