I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
