Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
