i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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