you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
