Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
