She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
