Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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